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Title: Pain Without Love
Series: Yuugiou
Rating: R
Chapters: One-Shot
Summary: [Malik x Ryou] The sensation of pain was the only thing that reminded him that yes, he was still present in this world. [for 10_whores; theme set three, #07 - disoriented]
Warnings: Lack of beta, implied sex.
Disclaimer: Usagi no own.



He didn't feel anything when Malik crushed their lips together.

Or maybe it would've been more accurate to say he couldn't have felt anything; perhaps his senses were deadened, in a way, and all those years of refusing to get close to anybody had come back to haunt him - now that there was someone actually there, he wasn't quite sure how to take it.

Ryou thought that would be giving himself too much credit, though.

Either way, he didn't feel anything when he was with Malik. He wanted to, he really wanted to - he knew they could sympathize with each other, given their situations had been similar - but even with that in mind, Ryou still felt nothing. Nothing except for a distinct feeling of disembodiment, as if he were floating above himself, seeing him move in unison with the other, though the expression on his own face was completely blank.

There was plenty of physical feeling: nails upon his back, his hair being tugged on, the grazing of teeth along his neck, and those feelings were the only things that brought him back into reality. The sensation of pain was the only thing that reminded Ryou that yes, he was still present in this world, and no, he was not alone.

And to be honest, he would've rather felt pain than nothing at all. At least he knew that he could feel something.

Even if it wasn't love, and even if there was no 'connection', it was still something, and that was the reason why he smiled over at Malik after they'd finished. Ryou didn't really mind that it was the only thing their relationship - if you could call it that - was based on; Malik had felt more than his share of pain throughout his life, as did Ryou, and it wasn't going to end anytime soon. Life in general was painful, and death was the only way that anybody would ever be released from it.

Anguish wasn't even the only thing pain ever came from. Love was painful: that tightening feeling one got in their chest when they were with their significant other, or that fluttering feeling in the pit of their stomach. Tranquility was painful: sometimes the silence was too much to bear, and the idea that nothing was happening left one extremely bored. Even happiness was painful, like when somebody smiled so much that their cheeks started to hurt.

But Ryou felt none of those kinds of pain; the only pain he felt anymore was the result of how rough Malik was at night. He supposed it was only natural - Malik was a domineering, manipulative person by nature, and Ryou had always been more passive - almost submissive, even.

That was why they still managed to work well together, even though they weren't in love; all of their pain from the past was overlapped by new pain, and it would continue to overlap until it finally relinquished. Until then, Ryou would continue to take the pain that was dealt to him.

Because he would've rather felt pain than nothing at all.

 
 
 
 
 
 
ooooo nice! poor little Ryou.
Poor dears. Nice one shot. Rather sad, though.
Would you believe me, if I tell you, I'm writing a one-shot to the same song, just with Marik/Ryou? *giggles*

*starts humming* 'Anger and agony are better than misery...'